As time goes by and generations change, relationships expectations also change. The current tendency is superficiality. We are constantly in search for official Facebook relationships and someone to tell us ‘I love you’ even when ‘love’ is a term used to replace ‘Good morning!’.
We are on a search for tips and tricks to make the other person fall for us instead of improving our own personality and ways of perceiving the world. We need to convince ourselves that we are worth being loved and show that to others.
Self-advertising is an issue
Most human interactions nowadays happen mostly online, and self-advertising is the current trend.
The differences between the appearance and the essence of a human being can be significant these days, given that many people try to look better in the eyes of their potential partner. How can one avoid falling in love with a fake person or a jerk?
Sure, we all dream of a ‘happily forever after’ type of ending but very few of us actually know what it takes to achieve it. Is it because of selfishness and being self-absorbed? Or we simply do not value true qualities in people’s personality anymore? These are the times of friends with benefits, unfortunately.
Investing in a relationship
We are feeding ourselves illusions, and we do not invest time and effort in a relationship. The simplest way of avoiding jerks would be to avoid being one yourself.
The way you perceive the real world around you and how you act based on your perception is what defines you as a person. Your behavior defines what type of people you draw around you, and being a jerk is not the only way to attract such people.
Underestimating yourself and your strength is what might lead to wanting the attention of a jerk simply because of the ‘strong’ behavior a jerk may expose. In reality, a jerk is no different than a weak person but with different ways of handling their acknowledged weakness.
Remember that a straight edge razor blade might be sharper than an ax, but it cannot cut through wood. True strength stands in your mind and not in the ability to overpower others or refusing to be considerate. Strength can often times be only an illusion.
Have patience with yourself and those around you
When you go on a first date, stop judging yourself based on how the other person might see you. That is not at all why you are going on a date.
Have patience with yourself and with the future relationship so you can get to know the person you’re seeing. Let mind rule over matter and make sure to judge with your brain, not with your heart. Notice any sign of disrespectful behavior.
How does your potential partner behave with other people?
Noticing weird behaviors can be done by analyzing how the person you’re interested in treats the people around him or her.
Going to a restaurant together? Then be observant of how your date behaves with the staff. Ask questions about general matters of life, not about favorite foods or movies. Listen to what he/she has to say and do not simply wait so you can answer without any consistency. A relationship is a long-term investment.
If you’re serious when you buy a house, then you should be just as serious and thoughtful when starting a relationship. Keep objectivity and balance in your judgment no matter how thrilled you might be about this person. Anyone can say impressive things, but just a few can make them become a reality.
A jerk’s inability to see things from another person’s perspective makes them easy to be spotted. They continuously blame others for their failures exactly the same as addictive people would.
The only difference in this situation between a jerk and a drug addict is that the drug for a jerk is him or herself. Jerks have the habit of breaking boundaries and they are incapable of accepting a refusal. They are simply immature emotionally, and that easily shows up in the first stages of the relationship.
There are cases, though, where such flaws are hidden, and they start to be revealed once your partner begins to take you for granted. That’s the dangerous type of jerk where a behavioral pattern does not become obvious when you first meet them, but will start to show after some time when the person will be confident enough around you to show their true personality.
Observe how this person treats his/her family, pets and children, what his/her values are or if there are any habits or flaws that you might find unacceptable.